The Sue
by Torchwood6
Summary: A new girl joins Dib and Zim's class. Her past is conflicting, her hair, eyes, and name change with alarming frequency, and she has six names. Looks like another Mary Sue! Fortunately, Dib and Zim are prepared…


**Author's Note: Hey, everybody! Thanks for clicking on my FIRST Invader Zim fanfiction! I'm so happy to see you! I figured that I'd lurked long enough around the site, and that it was time to make an account, so here I am- Torchwood6! **

**Anyway, so I noticed that there's a lot of 'new girl comes to skool and Dib and/or Zim falls for her, and vice versa. Occasionally she's an alien. But anyway, I thought I'd parody that. Just to let you know, any typos in this story are intentional. I swear. I checked the story over a blue million times just in case. Well, enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I spend all my money on rubber ducks. I can't AFFORD to own Invader Zim!**

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THE SUE

The new girl was strikingly beautiful. She had long, flowing silver hair that blew dramatically around her, even though there was no breeze. She flashed a winning smile and waved without shyness to the awe-struck children before her.

"Class, we have _another _new student," Ms. Bitters grumbled, looking at a piece of paper she held in her hands. "Her name is…" she looked surprised, shook her head in annoyance, and continued, sounding even more bothered, if that was somehow possible. "Her name is Isabella Sakura Marie Serenity Sunrise Cooper. Because that fits so well on a birth certificate." She gagged.

Unperturbed by her new teacher's obvious dislike, Isabella stared at her captive audience and announced, "Hi LOL!"

The students blinked. Who actually said that? The new girl had literally said the letters. L. O. L. El-oh-el. What was the world coming to?

The bizarre transfer kept talking. "I'm from JapaFrance. Both my parents are dead, but I live with my dad. She's an archae-paranormal investigator." She explained, and then winked a golden eye.

As soon as the girl had walked into the classroom, Dib and Zim had begun a furiously whispered argument across the room, much to the disdain of the poor students between them. "Dib, Zim. Is there something you'd like to share with the class." Ms. Bitters demanded, making it clear that 'no' was not an option.

Before his human rival could react, Zim half-yelled, "Dib thinks she's pretty!"

As the other students erupted into mocking laughter, Dib flushed red and called out, "No fair! It was your turn, Zim!"

Isabella seemed not to hear Dib's unusual outcry and turned a bright pink. Taking a seat that had not been there before she'd entered the room, she spent the rest of class waving and beaming a pageant girl's victory smile at him.

-o-

Lunch seemed to take infinitely longer to arrive that day. This was probably due to the disturbingly loud kisses Isabella had begun to throw the object of her affection about halfway through the class without the slightest bit of regard for the other students. When the bell finally rung, Ms. Bitters' class was out of the room without a moment's pause. Isabella had literally skipped past Dib and Zim, who were once again arguing furiously in only semi-hushed whispers. Zim seemed pleased with himself. Dib did not.

From his usual seat in the cafeteria, Dib could see the alien laughing at him at that very moment. Scowling, Dib took a deep breath, shuddered, and then yelled, "Isabella! Hey, Isabella! Come sit with me! Over here!"

Gaz shot him a murderous look and demanded, "Another one? Isn't it Zim's turn?" before storming off to eat her lunch somewhere else. She glared at the occupants of another table until they scattered in terror.

Isabella down next to Dib and flashed yet another too-perfect smile. "Hey Dib LOLOMG!111" she exclaimed, pronouncing each letter and number.

Barely resisting the urge not to role his eyes, Dib began hunting through his backpack for something as he told the newly, and inexplicably, blonde girl beside him, "Guess what? I have to tell you something!"

"OMH!" the girl exclaimed. Dib nearly gagged. Stupid typos. "What'si it?"

…Whatsi?

"Zim's an alien!" Dib told her, trying not to sound like he'd gone through this entire routine before. Finding what he was looking for in his bag, he pulled out a small bottle and set it on the table.

Isabella flipped her hair, which was once again silver, over her shoulder. Strange thing was, now her eyes were violet. But after she blinked just once, they returned to normal. "Oh, I already knows tat," she explained patiently. "Zim's an Irken and stuff."

Dib twitched, but forced himself not to show his disgust. Then, taking another deep breath, he gasped so melodramatically that the entire cafeteria turned to stare. The fact that he followed it up by actually yelling, "OMG ISABELLA HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE SO SMART," without bothering to pause after any of the words only made it worse. Across the room, Zim had fallen off of his seat and was now rolling on the floor with laughter. Dib shot a death glare in his general direction before returning his gaze reluctantly to Isabella.

The girl in question laughed. "I just do. But my name's not Isabella. It's Jasmine."

"Sorry," Dib improvised. "You just remind me of a movie star named Isabella...I guess. Because she's so beautiful or something?" He didn't even attempt to disguise the level of undiluted _bull_ contained in those two sentences, but that didn't seem to register with Isabella/Jasmine. She flushed deep pink again, and Dib took advantage of her momentary distraction, not to mention monumental stupidity, to switch her bottled water with the one he had retrieved from his bag. Did their cafeteria even have bottled water? He didn't think it did.

"So Isabella," he began, not bothering to use her new and supposed name. He knew she would've forgotten that she'd changed it by then. "You're the most beautiful girl in school and stuff, so you should drink some water to make sure you don't get dehydrated and die. Because then you wouldn't be as pretty."

Isabella didn't even notice how bad or blatant the cover was. She flushed deep pink _again _and uncapped the water bottle with a grin. "Awyou really think I'm pretty?" she asked, saying the words 'aw' and 'you' as one. Dib nodded, mentally telling himself that it was almost over. And it was, because the girl immediately took a sip. She smiled again. Then she stopped smiling. That was because she had burst into flames.

"OMGWTF?" she screamed as the whole cafeteria turned once more to stare.

"Holy water. Guaranteed to repel all things evil." Dib grinned genuinely for the first time since Isabella had stood in front of the class. "Including Mary Sues."

"OMGNOOOOOOP!" Isabella exploded suddenly, raining ashes from up above.

"Noop?" Dib couldn't help but snicker, and then stormed across the cafeteria to glare at Zim. The rest of the students, by now used to this sadly regular occurrence, had returned to their lunches and conversations. Glaring at the alien in front of him, Dib growled, "The next one is _yours_, Zim."

"Look on the bright side," Zim said innocently, giving his worst enemy a grin. "At least you didn't get pregnant again."

END.

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**Please, PLEASE review! It's my first fanfic, so feedback would be so very appreciated!**

**ALSO:**

**I'm doing this challenge where you pick a work (Invader Zim, in my case) and you write one story for each genre. I'm pretty excited about it! You can head on over to my profile to see what's what, learn more, stay posted, and vote on what genre I should write next, etc. There's a poll going on right now if anyone's interested! Please tell me you're interested. Please? Anyway, I'm just telling you guys this in hope that you'll check it out and watch my progress!**


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